[billnamber]

For 6 years I have been married to my wonderful husband. And for probably most of the 6 years, he has always been early at ejaculating. Lately it seems to be a bother to him and that he doesnt even want to try to have sex because of this issue. I would say he can last anywhere from 1-2 minutes. Some times 5 minutes. Last night was the first night in about 2 weeks since we had sex, and it was as soon as he was in me, he went. That....has never happened before. I don't want him to think that it bothers me because I figure as long as he is happy, well then so am I. But last night was all he could take. I need help in figuring out how to help him without using drugs. If there are things we can do, like foreplay for longer periods of time or something. I am just looking for guidance to help out my love because I don't want him to have to start taking medication for this. It wouldnt make sense if there is something we both can work on. Any insite would be great. Thanks for reading my post.

[R.D.]

Billnamber,
Everything I have to say here is from a layman's point of view; I am not a medical professional.

First of all, I very, very, very glad to see a woman writing on this topic, and you being married to a man who has this condition, you're the perfect person from whom to receive feedback (some men can only wonder what their women think about it).

Secondly, to answer your questions. You didn't mention your husband's age, health condition, whether or not he had the condition prior to the 6-year period, etc, but in my personal research, I've learned that those can be important factors in narrowing down the diagnosis. The fact that he avoids or wants to avoid intercourse can be a very big red flag; the condition may be working on his psyche (or vice-versa).

To quote you from your post, you said, "I don't want him to think that it bothers me because I figure as long as he is happy, well then so am I." Personally, I consider that to be another very big red flag; the rest of your post indicates that he definately is NOT happy. As his wife, your reaction to his condition is very important, and based on this quote, it seems as if you're not concerned (which I know to be untrue, because you've written in to get answers). If your quote means you are worried but you don't want him to know it, let me share it with you from a man's point of view: I know I ejaculate too early, which means I lose my erection, which in turn does not provide my wife all the pleasure she might have if it were not the case. No matter what else is involved in the equation, I know these things to be facts. Your husband ISN'T happy, and since you know him better than any of us, you'd know whether or not he's prone to hold it inside, or if he's open enough to discuss it. If he'll discuss it with anyone on planet Earth, I'd hope the very first person would be you. The next person should be his doctor.

Having said that, I've become amazed by the number of times I've read from men who say they're too embarrassed to ask their doctors about premature ejaculation. If your won't talk with you about it, I think I can understand that, but not wanting to talk to a medical professional about what could be a medical issue boggles my mind. [I just wish my own wife were as open and supportive as you seem to be.]

Next, you said that, ". . . last night was all he could take." What you didn't say, however, was what you meant by that. Did he become angry, depressed, sullen, withdrawn, what? Or, hopefully, did he pour out his heart to you and discuss what had happened? Hopefully it was the latter.

Ok, the next issue is to ask why is it you're only interested in a non-medication solution? If it turned out that medication is the best course of action, would he choose not to pursue it?

My layman's advice is to seek professional advice. I went to my doctor, who happens to be female, told her what was happening, and I'm on the road to treating the problem (see my posts in the "Living With . . . ." section of this website, from May 2009.

(By the way, to any woman who reads this, PLEASE don't ever say, "It's alright" or "I don't mind" when this happens, unless you truly, truly think that. You have to be caringly honest with your man; if you're not satisfied, SAY SO.)

[billnamber]

Thank you for your reply. My husband is 29 this year. And his health is great. Even his doctor says that he is very healthy. The quote that I said about "that being all he could take", I meant that he did say to me, "what is wrong with me". "Why can't I do this...." At that point I said I dont know what to do for you because I am apparently over stimulating you and dont know how to handle it. That is when I googled this urology website just to see what others had to say. My husband is one that doesnt like to talk about things like this with others, but he is very open with me and has been for as long as I known him. I have always told him that sex was not why I married him. I fell in love with him and how he treated me....not the sexual part of the relationship.

As far as medicine if he were to talk to his doctor, he would probably give it a try. But I think that if there were techniques we could try, then I know I would rather him try that. We are not ones to take medicines knowing that there are healthier ways to get through it. I would really like him to talk to a doctor about it, because he has told me a story of a tramatic accident to his manhood when he was young. It was a rider lawn mower that fell on top of him and of course you can figure where it landed. So maybe I can get him to talk to his doctor at his next appointment, which will be soon.

Thanks again for your post because I know he is getting aggrevated at this and doesnt want to do it much anymore because he says 'I can't do it!' So. until next time, I will see about going to the doctors for him.

[luckyjj]

I suffered from Premature Ejaculation ever since I started having sex. I could never last more than 30 seconds. It really caused me to lose alot of confidence and caused me to avoid dating for quite some time.

The good news is 40% of all men suffer from Premature Ejaculation and that it can be cured with the right information. I've tried just about everything to cure my PE, creams,sprays and even pills. None worked and I thought i would NEVER solve this problem.

I got lucky and found a site that taught me how to control my ejaculatory reflex and now I can last for 10 minutes. It helped me lose my fear of women and now I am happily engaged to the love of my life :) Below is a link to the site. Noone had PE more severe than me. It helped me so maybe it can help you to!!

[moderator note: website address has been removed]

[R.D.]

Billnamber,

I hope things are looking positive after having started your post here. I was wondering, first of all, if your husband knows you're posting here, and if so, is he reading it?

I too, have a 100% clear bill of health, I don't smoke, I'm a non-drinker, never done any kind of illegal drugs, I exercise regularly and I eat healthily. I have no diabetis, heart disease, high blood pressure, anemia, etc, etc. It's guys like me who feel we've gotten a raw deal; we're upholding our end of the bargain, but our bodies aren't cooperating in one of the most important aspects of staying healthy.

It's a great sign that your husband will at least talk with you about this; his openness is an asset to curing the problem. If he could just take that next step to extend his willingness to a medical professional . . . .

Even if you're still interested in non-drug remedies, the doctor's office is the best place to start.

Now knowing that he suffered physical trauma to the groin as a child, a doctor should be able to determine of that has something to do with what he's going through now.

Next, I need to be really frank, really blunt, possibly to the point of being vulgar (sorry). Here's my philosophy:
Personally, my penis and its functions are so extremely important to me that I'm willing to speak with anyone who knows what they're talking about in order to have a normal, satisfying sex life. I'm not shouting it at the rooftops, but I am in discreet, open conversation with 1) my wife, 2) my primary physician, 3) the heart specialist to whom she has recently referred me. Sometimes the conversations can be very clinical, but that's what we're talking about here; a clinical problem that potentially has a clinical solution.

I want to have erections that last long, I want to be in control of when I ejaculate, I want to be able to engage in sexual activity that is mutually pleasing. Since I can't presently have these 3 things, I'm working towards getting them back. i recognize that I can't do it alone, and there are so many money-grabbing scams out there that I won't rely on dubious sources to find the answers.

Please keep in touch and let us know how things are going with you and your husband.


R.D.

[john247]

You could start by using numbing creams or sprays. Some are available at local pharmcies, grocers, even Wal-Mart. The problem is they work so well that all or most sensation is gone and can cause him to loose his erection in part or in full.

If those do not work, some Primary Care or Urologists will prescribe a low dose of anti-depresants. These work well for some. Others it acts much like the numbing creams and the doctor will prescribe Viagra or other erectile pills. For others, they are able to maintain an erection; but, the inhibitors can prevent him for reaching an orgasm. These conditions can also change everytime intercourse is performed. While using the anti-depresants, doctors may recommend utilizing the 'squeeze technique' or other bio-feedback to allow your husband greater control in futur endevours.

[john247]

Can the link be rest or was it removed due to a sales promotion?

[KevinAn]

Hi there. Kevin here.

The creams are not advised to use. They are causing a lot of problems.Some cause skin irritation, some cause so much numbness to the penis that you can't even feel aroused, some potions have off-putting smells and others just simply don't work.

There are other ways to solve your problem. I was suffering from premature mature ejaculation and did a lot of research online.

I found a free blog by Randy. I advice you to check it at
http://premature-ejaculation-exercise.blogspot.com/

He is also running a Facebook Group that you can discuss your issues.

Have a nice day
Kevin